Soon-to-be Oldest

My husband said something on our anniversary that has just played on repeat in my mind.

There are some things that you could never possibly know about a person before you get married, that make you fall in love with them in ways that you could never have possibly appreciated until you’ve experienced them…

I can’t help but think that’s exactly how I felt before giving birth to Ajax. Oh, I loved that little person in my belly, just like I love the little one currently in my belly. But, oh, how that love changes, grows, deepens when you get to hold that little person. When you get to watch how their fingers move, when their eyes lock on yours and they know you. When they giggle for the first time, and wrap their chubby arms around your neck in the sweetest hug. When glimpses of their personality are just like papa’s, and also, so uniquely their own. When they put your face in their hands and say “you’re so squishy” and give you a kiss. There is no way your heart could know it would feel all those feels.

My soon-to-be oldest, he showed me just how amazing motherhood is. And while I don’t always feel confident in my motherhood, when I see him – happy, laughing, talking non-stop, exploring, learning, loving, even throwing a standard two year old protest – it gives me confidence. I’m his mama, and I’m doing this. Even more now, as fears and worries run through my head about this new little boy about to join our family.

There is no way I could have know how much my soon-to-be-oldest was going to invade my heart before he was born, and make everything brighter and bigger and better. Watching Ajax, seeing him makes me excited + nervous to meet the little guy in my belly. Just a few more weeks…

Any other mamas just feel all the feels for your oldest(s) before a new arrival showed up?