12 Weeks

I looked so hard for a bump when I was pregnant with Ajax. I mean, hard! And finally, around 14 weeks, one little bump appeared. I am twelve weeks, and I’ll just be honest, there’s been a little baby belly there for a while. It could be because of the sea salt caramels I’ve been snacking on… but I’m guessing my body is more like “I know what’s happening and I’m not even gonna try and fight it.” So it goes.

// sweater : Old Navy // shirt : Loft // jeans : Gap // boots : Steve Madden //

I’d say the past few weeks have seen moments of fear. I was talking to my OB Nurse and she said, “Well, do you still feel pregnant?” I almost cried right then. “I think I do, but…. I’m freaking out right now.” Don’t get me wrong, I love my doctor and nurses and have received excellent care! But those five weeks in between appointments, this early on, might be the slowest and toughest for me. It’s too early to feel the baby move, and even at 10 weeks, it’s a 50/50 chance whether a home doppler fetal monitor would work – and heaven help your heart if it doesn’t. It’s just walking blindly ahead, praying day to day that everything is okay.

But this is what I know, and remind myself of daily. That even if things weren’t, there is very little – if anything – that can be done. So I can worry about something that hasn’t happened, give in to fear, stress about things beyond my control… or I can trust. Trust that the One who gave this littlest life has got it. And celebrate each and every week I get to carry this babe, because they’re a true miracle. Happy Twelve Weeks, littlest.

  1. 9.14.15
    Tabitha said:

    I have felt all the same things- and even at 20 weeks am highly anticipating that ultrasound to check in again. Until the kicks start coming on the regular its hard not to doubt- even with a bump.

    • 9.17.15

      Oh girl, so true!! The whole thing about life starting and growing- it’s mind-blowing… and scary!

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