I had a moment, this week, when I freaked out. My belly was giving me all sorts of pain – I didn’t have round ligament pain or Braxton Hicks with Ajax – and I couldn’t get B to move, despite all my poking and drinking cold lemonade. And my brain just freaked the capital F out. So much so that I ended up at my (amazing) doctor so they could check the heartbeat. I don’t know if there is anything as beautiful as hearing the sound of a heartbeat.
Note to self: Don’t try an at-home doppler…….
Needless to say, I was scared. I had a friend ask me if it’s not as scary once you hit that twelve week mark, and the chances of miscarrying drastically drop. Yes. Milestones always matter, and help the heart. And still, it’s scary. I’m not sure when it won’t be scary, because Ajax still makes my heart stop every now and then.
I will say, the more independent Ajax becomes, the fewer things scare me- like his breathing. I’m not as scared that he is just going to stop breathing one night. Although occasionally I still do check on him while he’s sleeping, just to be sure. Because it scary thinking about something happening to your child. Like a scared I never knew before having kids.
I have to fight back that fear, because it can be overwhelming at times. Talk about trusting HIM and continually being reminded to not be anxious or worry, because who can add one hour to their day by worrying… I keep verse like that one close by, just for my peace of mind.
I’m insanely grateful that my fears weren’t confirmed the week, and B is just fine, growing strong and healthy! 26 weeks, I am so happy to see you.